Putting Words in Their Mouths

This week's contest: In 40 words or less, write a caption for either of these two generic cartoons drawn by famed Style Invitational artist Marc Rosenthal, just back from his triumphant two- man show in New York with Henri Matisse.

Examples:

Picture A:

1. It was an embarrassing situation all around. Leonard had wished for his his wife "to become an animal in bed," but the Genie of the Box had somehow, tragically, misunderstood.

2. Only after long stares had been exchanged, after eyes had been locked onto, after gazes had burned in, did the box realize it could no longer trust either the dog or the man.

Picture B:

1. "That Wayne, he always had to be different, and it drove Murray crazy. How many times did he have to tell him? `Siamese twins joined at the buttocks always wear the same number of boxes on their heads.' "

2. Marvin was furious. The haberdasher had assured him the hat was "unique."

First-prize winner will receive a huge genuine two-carat cruddy diamond, a value of nearly $50. Runners-up will get the coveted "Style Invitational" loser's T-shirt and a festive box of Peeps. As always, winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 6, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or fax them to 202-334-4312. Entries must be received by Monday, April 19. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in two weeks. No purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week Four, in which we asked you to complete this sentence: "If We Can Put a Man on the Moon, Why Can't We ... "

First, a little experiment. Stick your index finger in your mouth (or, if you prefer, someone else's mouth). Now place your finger on this big black heart here: , which symbolizes our goodwill toward you. Now rub your finger in widening circles on the page. Now look at your finger. Hahahaha. What a dope you are. Don't you know that newspaper ink rubs off like a bad habit? Dozens of you came up with this as your biggest gripe. Rest assured, we'll get right on it, just as soon as the troubled newspaper industry coughs up a billion dollars for research, and Gumby-shaped life forms are discovered on Io, the fifth moon of Jupiter.

Secondly, we wish to report that there seems to be a teensy bit of anti-male hostility out there, judging from the identical entries from more than 100 different women, saying, "If we can send a man to the moon, why can't we SEND THEM ALL THERE?"

The answer: Because then who would judge the Style Invitational? Girls????

Ahem. The winners:

Fifth Runner-Up: " ... Pass on first down?" (Charles E. Brunswick, Springfield)

Fourth Runner-Up: " ... Find a cure for posterior cleavage?" (Robert Zane, Woodbridge)

Third Runner-Up: " ... Figure out how to walk a cat?" (Stuart Segal, Vienna)

Second Runner-Up: " ... Offer sea monkeys as a low-fat alternative to chicken?" (Rich Stone, Washington)

First Runner-Up: " ... Put an end to the tragic heartbreak of involuntary `nose whistle'?" (Felix McBundy, Silver Spring)

And the Winner of the vintage toaster:

" ... Remember why we did it?" (Geri, Tom and Heidi Klitsch, Wheaton)

Honorable Mentions:

" ... Colonize the sun?" (Chuck Rainville, Baltimore)

" ... Make a traffic light that lets you go when it knows there's no reasonble expectation that a vehicle will come from the other direction in your grandmother's lifetime?" (Phil Clutts, Silver Spring)

" ... Put toilets in cars?" (Gynny Katon, Rockville)

" ... Just collect the rocks on Earth?" (Papan Devani, Arlington)

" ... Have driver's licenses that renew themselves?" (Frances C. McCormick, Bartlett, Ohio)

" ... Unwrap CDs without needing an engineering degree?" (Bonita Boyle Cote, Gaithersburg)

" ... Design a toilet and shower that can live in harmony?" (Daniel J. Berkowitz, Washington)

And last:

" ... Rise above griping for toasters?" (Christine Worthen Eames, Fairfax)

Next Week: There Oughta Be A Law.